Mountain Stream Coaching in words with M stylized as mountains and S stylized as stream
Black man in bathrobe looking into mirror and thinking "Who am I?"
Photo Credit: Diva Plavalaguna on Pexels

The third stage in the seven-stage life design process is assessment. Parts 1 and 2 of the assessment stage focus on answering two big questions: “Who am I?” and “How am I doing?” Assessment Part 3 looks more deeply at work.

Together, the answers to these questions form an “as is” life view. Later, in the life design process Stage Four, we will work with the “to be” future state along with defining the bedrock of purpose and mission. Then, in Stages Five through Seven, we will work with the “how to” of moving from the “as is” toward the “to be” along with completing tasks and projects to execute our mission.

This article covers the “Who am I?” The next article covers the “How am I doing?”

Life design is a process of consciously creating a fulfilling life aligned with your core values and life purpose. In order to do this effectively, you need to have a deep understanding of yourself. This awareness is important for aligning your design with who you are, and for knowing the raw material (you!) available for the journey. You are both the leading actor and the director in your life design. We need to know as much about you as possible.

The “Who am I?” assessment focuses on the following facets of the self:

  • Identity and Story,
  • General Beliefs and Assumptions,
  • Attitudes,
  • Mindset,
  • Religious and Spiritual Beliefs,
  • Core Values and Principles,
  • Strengths and Weaknesses,
  • Thinking and Learning Preferences,
  • Personality,
  • Relationships, and
  • Goals and Aspirations.

The “Who am I?” assessment maximally withholds judgment, whereas the “How am I doing?” assessment will explicitly bring in evaluation and judgment.

Identity and Story

Identity and story are good places to start because they prime the mind and feed the remaining facets.


One way to identify ourselves is with objective statements in the following areas:

  • Roles (for example: father, husband, brother, son, student, entrepreneur, coach, etc.)
  • Nationality
  • Ethnicity
  • Social class
  • Age (generation)
  • Gender expression and pronouns
  • Sexual orientation
  • Body and health condition (hypothetical example: I weigh 180 pounds and I have asthma)

Another way to identify ourselves is through work with archetypes. For men, one well-known framework is King, Warrior, Magician, and Lover as popularized by Robert Moore and Doug Gillette in their 2013 book by this title. For women, one archetypal framework is the Maiden, Mother, and Chone.

Story (Narrative)

Some exercises to uncover your deeper narrative:

  • Write an outline for your autobiography. From birth to the present day, what are the significant events in your life? Note how you perceive these events in significance (1-to-10) and evaluation as positive, neutral, or negative.
  • Fair Witness. This is an exercise I learned at Shalom Mountain Retreat and Study Center. In dyads, the storyteller lies down on the floor blindfolded. The witness asks “[storyteller name], who are you?” The storyteller responds. The witness records key points on a notepad to give to the storyteller when the exercise is complete. Then, the witness asks again “[storyteller name], who are you?” This continues for 30 minutes or so, going ever deeper into the storyteller’s psyche.
  • Another exercise at the core of Shalom Mountain is simply telling your story to a group of people. Each person in the group has ten minutes to tell some portion of their life story in any way they choose. For most people, it is unusual to be so deeply listened to. Often the storyteller has some new awareness about themselves and/or some emotional release from the process. Tangential to life design, the exercise also builds group connection and belonging. Listening to other people’s stories can lead to validation of one’s own story. “Oh, maybe I’m not so strange.” Someone else’s story can also be a source of inspiration.
  • Describe your life as a metaphor. For example, “My life is like a complex jigsaw puzzle. Sometimes, it feels like I lost the box-top bigger picture, or I am searching for missing pieces.”
  • For various areas of your life, describe where you are on your Hero’s Journey.
A wheel with 12 sections, one for each step
Source: The Hero’s Journey: The 12 Steps of Mythic Structure, Kindlepreneur.


After working with some of the exercises above, ask yourself the following questions to deepen your self-awareness:

  • How has your identity shaped your behavior?
  • What are you most proud of?
  • What are your passions?
  • How do you perceive yourself in different roles or areas of your life? Are there inconsistencies?
  • Are there any recurring patterns or themes in your life story?
  • What are your fears and how do they hold you back?
  • How do you adapt or respond when faced with challenges or setbacks? Are there patterns in your coping mechanisms?
  • Are there any parts of your identity that you feel are inauthentic or not aligned with your true self?
  • (Seeding the next life design process stage) In an ideal future, how would you like your life story to evolve? What changes or transformations do you envision for yourself?

General Beliefs and Assumptions

On top of our objective identity unearthed in the previous section, we all carry around a collection of beliefs and assumptions about ourselves.

As with life events, these beliefs and assumptions can be positive, neutral, or negative (valence).

Negative core beliefs are also known as limiting beliefs. Limiting beliefs can set off Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs).

Some examples and their valence:

  • I believe I will never be fluent in a second language. Learning a language is just too difficult for me. (negative)
  • I believe I am smarter than the average person. (positive)
  • I believe I am socially awkward. (negative)
  • I believe I make friends easily. (positive)
  • I believe trail running is the best exercise for me. (neutral)

In this life design assessment stage, we are just interested in identifying our beliefs and assumptions. Reframing or otherwise overcoming any negative beliefs will come later.

Some exercises to surface core beliefs and assumptions about ourselves:

  • Simply list as many “I believe I am/will/can…” statements as you can think of. Aim for at least 25. The “I believe” prefix is important. Not just “I am…”, but “I believe I am…” This reinforces that these statements are beliefs and not necessarily facts.
  • The Five Why Technique is useful for discovering a deeper core belief that sits below a surface-level belief. Refer to the 7 July 2023 Secular Buddhism blog for an example that goes from anxiety about public speaking down to “my parents believed that success only comes from perfection.”
  • Write a letter to your younger self, offering advice and encouragement. This can help uncover beliefs that were formed in the past.
  • Input from trusted friends, family members, or colleagues. Sometimes, others can see things about us that we might not see in ourselves.
  • Guided Meditation. For example, from Bija Living, and A Change for Better.

For additional background and exercises, see Core Beliefs: 12 Worksheets to Challenge Negative Beliefs from

Shifting from the inner world to the external world…

Primal World Beliefs are basic beliefs about the world, such as the belief the world is dangerous. The University of Pennsylvania has a survey that measures 26 distinct primal beliefs as summarized in the following chart.

Chart of 26 primal world belief pairs. E.G. Stable vs. Fragile.
Source: The 26 Primal World Beliefs, the University of Pennsylvania Primals Project.


Attitudes are a learned tendency to evaluate things in a certain way. This can include evaluations of people, issues, objects, or events. Such evaluations are often positive or negative, but they can also be uncertain (Verywell Mind).

Using this definition, the line between attitudes and external beliefs such as the primals is blurry. This blurriness is not something to be concerned about. The important thing is to understand, in sum, how your mind works when on autopilot. Do not be concerned if one of your driving statements is an attitude or a belief.

As a journaling exercise:

  • What attitudes do you have towards people or important things in your life?
  • How does this attitude either serve or hinder you?

Together, beliefs, assumptions, and attitudes make up a mindset.


In an earlier article, I described nine mindsets beneficial for life design:

  1. Growth Mindset
  2. Abundance Mindset
  3. Service Mindset
  4. Full Life Mindset
  5. Design Thinking Mindsets
  6. Agency and Intentionality Mindset (Empowerment Mindset)
  7. ‘Why’ Mindset
  8. Be Lucky Mindset
  9. Intuition Mindset

For this assessment stage, rate yourself from 1-to-10 on how strong each of these mindsets is in your life.

Then, consider what other mindsets are significant in your life. Use the following list to seed your thinking:

  • Adaptive Mindset
  • Anti-Fragility Mindset (Resilient Mindset)
  • Challenge Mindset (contrast to Threat Mindset)
  • Entrepreneurial Mindset
  • Future-Oriented Mindset
  • Gratitude Mindset
  • Innovator’s Mindset
  • Mindful Mindset
  • Positive Mindset
  • Productive Mindset
  • Risk Taking Mindset (contrast to Risk Avoiding Mindset)
  • Sustainability Mindset
  • Wellness Mindset
  • Win-Win Mindset

Religious and Spiritual Beliefs

The potential influence of religious and spiritual beliefs on life design goes beyond just their influence on personal values (next) and beliefs (above). Some of the additional ways religious and spiritual beliefs may affect life design are:

  • Divine direction regarding life purpose and mission.
  • Divine direction for decision-making; for example, for decisions related to career and relationships.
  • Providing meditative practices that increase mental clarity and well-being.
  • Providing coping mechanisms and resilience in times of distress. Religious and spiritual beliefs can offer hope and optimism for the future.
  • Providing community and relationships for belonging and support.
  • Promoting physical and mental health; for example, by suggesting time in nature.

Core Values and Principles

Core values are the personal ideals that are most evident in our lives. They are the attributes we hold ourselves and others to. For example: accountability, courage, directness, generosity, and impact. Principles are short phrases or a sentence that describe values in action. For example, “I care deeply about understanding the needs and wants of people around me” (from One Life to Lead).

Broadly, there are two approaches to identifying your core values. First, via questions such as “What are the attributes of the person you want to be?” and “What qualities do you most appreciate in others?” Second, via picking from a long list of possible values. Refer to my Personal Values Workbook for further support with both approaches. Core values and principles are important in life design and in life because:
  • Making decisions guided by core values reduces stress and the time required to decide. Personal core values can play a significant role in the development of heuristics that speed decision-making.
  • Core values are a source of intrinsic motivation. Aligning your goals with your values increases your commitment to achieving them.
  • Living in accordance with deeply held values leads to greater life satisfaction, psychological well-being, and overall happiness.
  • Understanding your core values helps you develop a strong sense of self, which supports authenticity. Authenticity leads to a stronger personal brand, better relationships, and increased leadership effectiveness.

Strengths and Weaknesses

Refer to this Instagram post for eight benefits of regularly using strengths (from Positive Psychology Coaching In Practice, Chapter 5). It’s important to be aware of our weaknesses and to work on improving them where we can. However, we should focus more effort on using more of our strengths. In addition to capturing the benefits just noted, the following points support this recommendation:
  • Focusing on our weaknesses can lead to negative emotions. When we focus on our weaknesses, we can start to feel like we’re not good enough. This can lead to feelings of anxiety, stress, and low self-esteem.
  • It’s easier to improve our strengths than our weaknesses. This is because our strengths are already something we’re good at, so we have a natural aptitude for them. Our weaknesses, on the other hand, are areas where we need to learn and grow. This takes time and effort, and it’s not always easy.
There are many strength assessments. I tend to rely on the three below. This article, 3 Most Accurate Character Strengths Assessments and Tests, supports my choice of VIA Character Strengths and CliftonStrengths. The article also endorses the DiSC assessment (as the third of the three recommendations), which I use and categorize as a personality assessment further below. Refer to Mountain Stream Coaching Resources webpage for additional strength assessments.

VIA Character Strengths

The Values In Action (VIA) assessment was developed by positive psychologists Christopher Peterson and Martin Seligman at the University of Pennsylvania in the early 2000s. The assessment measures 24 strengths organized into six virtues (Courage, Humanity, Justice, Temperance, Transcendence, and Wisdom.) The strengths include Creativity, Kindness, Perseverance, and Teamwork. Given that VIA Character Strengths are based on virtues, there is some overlap between VIA Character Strengths and core values. Once I had my VIA Character Strengths, I compared the results to my previously identified core values. I did this as a cross-check to see if my VIA results suggested any changes to my stated core values or, in the opposite direction, if my core values cast doubt on any of my VIA results. An example of doubt to further explore would be if a claimed core value was a weakness in VIA results. There are two free VIA assessments available, one from the VIA Institute on Character and a longer 240-question version from the University of Pennsylvania. For my own results that I worked with, I took both assessments and averaged the similar results using this Excel spreadsheet template.


Previously branded Gallup StrengthsFinder. The assessment consists of 177 paired statements where the person taking the assessment picks among five choices indicating to what extent they are inclined to act as described by either of the statements. For example, a statement pair might be “I read all of the instructions before beginning” and “I jump into things.” The person can pick “Strongly describes me” for either statement, “Neutral” for no preference between the two statements, or a rating in between either strongly and neutral rating indicating mild preference between the two statements. The assessment results identify relative talent across 34 themes. The themes have titles like ‘Activator,’ ‘Communication,’ ‘Ideation,’ ‘Learner,’ and ‘Relator.’ Although named CliftonStrengths, the assessment actually measures talent. To move from talent to strength requires the addition of knowledge and practical skills such as the ability to use a particular software product (Gallup).

Kolbe A Index

The Kolbe A Index measures how you instinctively take action when you strive. The assessment consists of 36 questions that describe a scenario and four options for action. The person taking the assessment picks one option for the way they would most likely act and a second option for the action they would least likely take. An example question: “If I were deciding whether to use a new method, I would consider its: Practicality, Clarity, Impact, Durability.” The results are a 1-to-10 score on each of four dimensions: Fact Finder (how gathers and shares information), Follow Thru (how arranges and designs), Quick Start (how deals with risk and uncertainty), and Implementor (how handles spaces and tangibles).

Thinking and Learning Preferences

Your life design process and ultimate life design need to work with your unique brain, and thinking and learning preferences. Some points to reflect on in the assessment stage:
  • When making decisions, do you prefer an analytical method (e.g., a spreadsheet with weighted decision criteria) or are you more likely to go with a heart or gut feel? Some combination? Is this an “it depends” on the type of decision? How so?
  • What technique(s) are most effective for you to tap into your subconsciousness, your inner knowing? Possible techniques include journaling, seeding dreams, guided meditation, coaching conversations, and a nature walk.
  • Life design will certainly involve learning. What are your learning preferences among reading books; listening to podcasts; reading articles, blogs, and newsletters; taking courses; peer-to-peer sharing in a mastermind group; sharing in a learning community with members of all experience levels; one-on-one knowledge transfer from a consultant or mentor; or guidance from a coach.A side-note: I am not asking about learning style preferences as defined by VARK, i.e., Visual, Aural (auditory), Reading and writing, and Kinesthetic (tactile or experiential). VARK has been widely debunked. See, for example, The Myth of ‘Learning Styles’ from The Atlantic (April 2018).
  • Do you identify as neurodivergent? For example, if you identify as having ADHD (as I do), this might suggest prioritizing skill-building for goal setting and focus in life design Stage 5, Planning.


The American Psychology Association defines personality as the enduring configuration of characteristics and behavior that comprises an individual’s unique adjustment to life, including major traits, interests, drives, values, self-concept, abilities, and emotional patterns…Various theories explain the structure and development of personality in different ways, but all agree that personality helps determine behavior. Why knowing your personality helps with life design:
  • Living in accordance with one’s personality can contribute to a sense of fulfillment and happiness.
  • Along with strengths assessments, personality assessments can help guide career preferences. For example, if you are an introverted person, you may prefer a career that allows you to work independently or in a quieter environment.
  • Tangential to life design; however, too valuable not to mention is the benefit of knowing each other’s personality types within a team or organization. This knowledge can increase appreciation for how colleagues think and behave which may be different than our own defaults. This appreciation can lead to increased efficiency, effectiveness, and harmony within the team or organization.
In my coaching work so far, I have focused on using the Big Five and DiSC personality assessments. I’m intrigued with the HEXACO extension of the Big Five and I will likely shift to using it instead of the Big Five. I acknowledge the popularity of Myers-Briggs (along with the 16 Personalities derivative) and Enneagram; however, I have concerns about the lack of science-based support for these assessments. All these assessments are briefly described below. Refer to Mountain Stream Coaching Resources webpage for additional personality assessments. To learn more about personality and personality assessments, I found the following articles from Berkeley Well-Being Institute useful:

Big Five

The Big Five Personality Assessment, also known as the Five-Factor Model (FFM), is a widely accepted and scientifically rigorous model for understanding and assessing personality. It has been researched across many populations and cultures. The model was well-established in the 1980s and 1990s. The assessment measures five broad personality traits: Openness to experience, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism (emotional stability)—hence the OCEAN mnemonic. Each of the traits has six facets (subtraits). This IDRlabs webpage nicely describes all the traits and facets. For further background, see the Big Five Personality Traits Wikipedia page and Measuring the Big Five Personality Domains, by Sanjay Srivastava at the University of Oregon.

HEXACO Personality Inventory

HEXACO stands for Honesty-Humility, Emotionality, Extraversion, Agreeableness, Conscientiousness, and Openness. HEXACO extends the Big Five by adding ‘Honesty-Humility’ as a sixth personality trait. It also renames and revises ‘Neuroticism’ to become ‘Emotionality.’ The HEXACO Personality Inventory was developed in the early 2000s by Kibeom Lee and Michael C. Ashton, who were psychologists interested in refining and extending the Big Five model. For further background, see: Comparing my results between HEXACO and Big Five:
  • My highest score in HEXACO is Honesty-Humility, which has no comparison in the Big Five
  • My next highest score in HEXACO is Openness, which is my second highest in the Big Five
  • My highest score in the Big Five is Agreeableness, which is tied for third among the Big Five traits in HEXACO
  • My lowest score on both assessments is Neuroticism/Emotionality
My conclusion is “similar; however, not identical” across the two assessments.


The DiSC assessment categorizes individuals into four main personality styles, each represented by a letter in the acronym “DiSC”:
  • Dominance (D): People with dominant traits tend to be assertive, results-oriented, and decisive.
  • Influence (I): Individuals with influential traits are typically sociable, persuasive, and enthusiastic.
  • Steadiness (S): Those with steady traits are often patient, supportive, and cooperative.
  • Conscientiousness (C): People with conscientious traits tend to be detail-oriented, systematic, and analytical.
The model was developed by psychologist William Moulton Marston in the 1920s as a 2×2 matrix with the x-axis being challenge/antagonistic/task or favorable/collaborative/people, and the y-axis being passive/stability/reflective or active/action. DiSC has not undergone the same extensive empirical research and validation as Big Five or HEXACO. The lowercase ‘i’ is for branding and marketing. The formatting does not have a basis in grammar.
Source: Dit is waarom DISC meer is dan hokjesdenken (This is why DISC is more than box thinking), ICM Training.

Manager Tools has many excellent podcast episodes teaching how to us DiSC in the workplace.

Myers-Briggs and Enneagram lack science-backed validity and reliability. They both have received extensive criticism. See, for example, this pair of November 2022 Psychology Today articles:

Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI)

Myers-Briggs is likely the best-known personality assessment. For this reason alone, I keep it on my radar. The assessment looks at four dichotomies: Introversion/Extraversion, Intuition/Sensing, Feeling/Thinking, and Judging/Perceiving. The resulting 16 personality types are denoted in a four-letter code using the bold-face letters in the list above; for example, INFP.

My experience with MBTI dates back three decades ago when I was in a period of career angst. I discovered MBTI via the original edition of the book Do What You Are: Discover the Perfect Career for You Through the Secrets of Personality Type, by Paul D. Tieger and Barbara Barron-Tieger. From the assessment in the book, I first came out as an ENFP and this in some small way gave me comfort in my ultimate decision to pursue my MBA and a career change to becoming a consultant. A year later I retook the assessment in the book and came out as INFP. The flip from E to I supports my own self-awareness by labeling myself an ambivert. Twice I’ve taken an MBTI online assessment in the years since. Both times I came out as INFP. The bottom line is my personal experience with reliability is positive.

16 Personalities

The 16 Personalities personality assessment is a derivative of Myers-Briggs. It begins with the same four dichotomies and letter system as Myers-Briggs; however, with two label variations: Observant vs. Sensing, and Prospecting vs. Perceiving. The assessment adds a fifth dichotomy: Assertive/Turbulent.

Unlike and better than Myers-Briggs, the results provide a percentage for where you score on the continuum (personality trait) versus only reporting which of the two letters in each letter pair is stronger (personality type).

The 16 Personalities core theory includes the following statement, which seems significant; however, I honestly do not fully understand:

…unlike Myers-Briggs or other theories based on the Jungian model, we have not incorporated Jungian concepts such as cognitive functions, or their prioritization. Jungian concepts are very difficult to measure and validate scientifically, so we’ve instead chosen to rework and rebalance the dimensions of personality called the Big Five personality traits, a model that dominates modern psychological and social research.

Eventually, I might research this more deeply via the many relevant articles available from the 16 Personalities website and other sources.

As mentioned above, on Myers-Briggs I am typed as INFP. My 16 Personalities result is ISFP-T, which they name the Adventurer. “Flexible and charming, always ready to explore and experience something new.” Oh my, I’m not certain about the “charming” part but the remaining is plausible.

The one-letter difference between my result from the two assessments is Observant from 16 Personalities (Myers-Briggs’ Sensing) at 63% contrast to my Intuitive result in Myers-Briggs. Reading the descriptions of Observant/Sensing and Intuitive from both assessments, I self-identify as Intuitive.


The Enneagram is an ancient personality system with roots in various spiritual and mystical traditions, including Christianity, Sufism, and Judaism. It was popularized beginning in the 1960s and has many different interpretations and assessments.

The Enneagram describes nine personality types, each with its own set of core motivations, fears, desires, and behavioral patterns. Each personality type is associated with a number and label as follows: 

  1. The Reformer: The Rational, Idealistic Type: Principled, Purposeful, Self-Controlled, and Perfectionistic.
  2. The Helper: The Caring, Interpersonal Type: Demonstrative, Generous, People-Pleasing, and Possessive.
  3. The Achiever: The Success-Oriented, Pragmatic Type: Adaptive, Excelling, Driven, and Image-Conscious.
  4. The Individualist: The Sensitive, Withdrawn Type: Expressive, Dramatic, Self-Absorbed, and Temperamental.
  5. The Investigator: The Intense, Cerebral Type: Perceptive, Innovative, Secretive, and Isolated.
  6. The Loyalist: The Committed, Security-Oriented Type: Engaging, Responsible, Anxious, and Suspicious.
  7. The Enthusiast: The Busy, Fun-Loving Type: Spontaneous, Versatile, Distractible, and Scattered.
  8. The Challenger: The Powerful, Dominating Type: Self-Confident, Decisive, Willful, and Confrontational.
  9. The Peacemaker: The Easygoing, Self-Effacing Type: Receptive, Reassuring, Agreeable, and Complacent.

The personality types are represented as points on a geometric figure where you can easily see your relative strengths across the nine types. The geometry has additional meanings. See, for example, the Wikipedia Enneagram page for an introduction.

Several months apart, I completed assessments from Personality Path and Truity. Both companies display your Enneagram at no cost; however, their full reports cost US$29 and US$19 (after promotional code) respectively. There were substantial differences between my two results, which caused me to pause relative to identifying with any Enneagram result.  

If I were to invest further in the Enneagram, I would spend US$12 to take the Riso-Hudson Enneagram Type Indicator (RHETI) assessment from The Enneagram Institute which claims this is “the world’s most popular Enneagram-based test.”

To close out this Personality Assessments section, I mention a few assessments that measure individual personality traits related to Emotional Intelligence, Grit, Resilience, and Hope.

Emotional Intelligence Assessments

Grit, Resilience, and Hope Assessments


Close relationships play a significant role in shaping who we are as individuals. Motivational speaker and writer Jim Rohn famously said “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

Some of the ways our closest relationships shape us:

  • Influence on our values and beliefs. Over time, we may align our own perspectives with those we associate with.
  • Behavioral mirroring. Consciously or unconsciously, we tend to imitate the behaviors of those around us.
  • Emotional Contagion: Emotions are contagious, and being around people with a consistently positive or negative outlook can impact our emotional well-being.
  • Self-Perception: The way others perceive us can shape our self-image. If our closest relationships value and appreciate us, it can boost our self-esteem and confidence. Conversely, constant criticism or negative feedback can have the opposite effect.
  • Learning, Growth, and Connections: Engaging with people who have diverse skills, experiences, knowledge, and networks can broaden our horizons, encourage continuous learning and self-improvement, and expand our human network.
  • Accountability: The people we are closest to can help hold us accountable for our goals and commitments.

The “How am I?” portion of the assessment will further evaluate how our relationships serve or harm us.  

Goals and Aspirations

When we set ambitious goals and aspire to achieve great things, it often leads to a positive shift in our self-image. We start seeing ourselves as capable, driven, and determined individuals.

Working on achieving goals and moving towards positive aspirations frequently require personal growth and self-improvement. We become a different and better person because of our goals and aspirations.

Over To You

Even though this is an admittedly lengthy blog, much remains to be said about a “Who am I?” assessment and the individual components that I have introduced here.

When reflecting on your own identity, where do you begin? Have you used any of the exercises and assessments highlighted here? What was helpful, or not, to increase your self-awareness in a manner that was ultimately helpful on your life design journey?  

Note: The book links are Amazon affiliate links that pay a small commission to me upon purchase, at no cost to you.

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